Wherein I’m very bitter and mostly irrational
In 2004, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series for the first time since 1918, breaking whatever that “Curse of the Bambino” thing that Joe Buck was so anxious to talk aboud during each broadcast. They were the first baseball team to come back from a 3-0 deficit in a 7 game postseason series. They were a bunch of goofs with beards that seemed oblivious to a world outside of baseball. And even though they traded my favorite currently active shortshop at the time, Nomar Garciaparra, I bandwagon cheered them through every victory as they rolled off 8 straight wins over the Yankees and then the hapless St. Louis Cardinals. This sort of thing happens when you play softball with a bunch of older guys from New England. In hindsight, probably at least two of the players on that team were nice and ‘roided up, but honestly, who cares? Everyone else was. By the way, those hapless Cardinals played an almost equally entertaining LCS as the Red Sox to make the series, which most people hardly remember.
In 2005, the Chicago White Sox continued the tradition of ending championship droughts for teams named “Sox” by winning in their first World Series since 1917. It was just their second appearance in the World Series Since they were coerced into throwing the 1919 World Series by a bunch of gangsters who wanted the series fixed to make huge gambling profits. If you’ve never seen the John Sayles movie, Eight Men Out, featuring ancient Chicago writer/radio personality Studs Terkel, it’s worth your time, even if you aren’t a sports fan. (The movie featured more famous actors more prominently, but who doesn’t love the name Studs Terkel.) They beat the Houston Astros, long time tormentors of my Cincinnati Reds, who coincidentally won the 1919 Series against the White Sox. The Astros managed to get past the Cardinals in the LCS despite Albert Pujols hitting a home run so far that he broke Houston closer Brad Lidge as a human being.
In 2006, the Detroit Tigers, while not quite as long suffering as either Sox franchise, was certainly a symbol for an economically beleaguered city. Despite an epic population collapse the city still competed in all four major sports, claiming recent championships in both the NBA and NHL. Ignoring the at the time moribund NFL franchise (about to go 0-16 in the near future), a World Series title could have made Detroit a contender for Titletown: Aughts edition, wiping at least a little of that annoying smirk off the faces of Bostonians. (By the way, we all jumped right off that Boston bandwagon as soon as we could.) In hindsight, of course nobody cared about anything other than the NFL. Based on the coverage of the Lions resurgence of 2011, you’d have thought no other sports franchise had won a game until September of this year. Pistons, Red Wings, Tigers, and Michigan State basketball successes be damned for a single Lions playoff run. (Shoutout to Mateen Cleeves.) Alas, the Tigers winning was the narrative I wanted to see fulfilled. Instead, the St. Louis Cardinals, who had managed to win 83 games that regular season, won the series. Those 83 wins would have been good enough to put St. Louis 12 games behind Detroit’s 95 wins that year and are the fewest ever for a championship team. The St. Louis Cardinals of 2006 are possibly the least deserving sports champion of all time. Nobody calls them on it because, “St. Louis is a great baseball city” and “They are a team of professionals,” which is nearly aphoristic for sportswriter Michael Wilbon.
If this year’s 90 win team take the takes the title (Go Texas!), at least they’ll have the ‘87 Twins to look down on (who coincidentally only won 87 games) but not much else.
There’s a prevailing idea out there that sports are pure because they somehow preserve a fairness never seen in real life these days. This is why people flipped out after the aforementioned 1919 series and more recently over the aforementioned PED saga. Fans unjustifiably felt violated and appealed to a purity of the game that never really existed. For whatever reason, American sports developed regionally, with teams playing unbalanced schedules that favored travel convenience over fairness. In Europe most schedules for sports leagues are made the following way: you play every other team in the league an equal number of home and away games. Whoever has the best record at the end wins the league. It’s amazingly fair and simple. (It’s also amazingly capitalistic. A definitive stratification of haves and have nots have sprung up, so that only 3-5 teams in a 20 team league have a chance to win in a given year. Most teams compete in multiple competitions though, so there are other ways to achieve glory other than winning the league. At least American sports leages have some unpredictability, but I digress.) Something has gnawed away at me ever since I watched an exceedingly mediocre St. Louis team reach the pinnacle of baseball and hoist the trophy. I had long since understood that the best team doesn’t not always win the title. In fact, that’s why many of us love sports, we get to root for the underdog and sometimes they do actually pull through. St. Louis wasn’t an underdog though. They were just bad compared to the other 7 teams that post season.
Stemming from that I now hate the Cardinals. They are ruining baseball.
The last day of this year’s season was amazing, with the Cardinals and Rays scraping into the playoffs after catching teams from 9+ games back in about a month’s time. MLB now wants to expand the post season with another team. For more excitement they say. Nevermind that this essentially would have made the amazing runs made by teams this year irrelevant. Nevermind that this increasingly rewards mediocrity and opens the door to other 83 win champions. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
Reds 2B Brandon Philips called the Cardinals a bunch of whiny bitches about a year ago. This was a serious breach in protocol, which led to a brawl where Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto kicked former Red Jason LaRue in the head, essentially ending his career. Nevermind that Yadier Molina actually started the fight. Nevermind that Johnny Cueto was pinned up against a wall and might actually have had probable cause to feel endangered. Nevermind that the Cardinals do complain about everything. (I once saw Chris Carpenter publicly berate his shortstop, Brendan Ryan, for 10 minutes for holding up the start of an inning to get the correct glove after grabbing the wrong one. The announcers actually applauded that crap.) Granted none of this happens if Philips never says anything to begin with, but, obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this. Would it have been better if he had used the #honestyhour twitter hashtag when making the comments?
At the time the Reds had signed former Cardinal Jim Edmonds for a playoff push wherein they satisfyingly put away the Cardinals. Jim Edmonds later got injured tearing an achilles on a home run swing. He later and threw the Reds team and medical staff under the bus, basically stating he regretted coming to the Reds. Jeez Jim, I’m so sorry you had a chance to play in meaningful games. Figures an ex-Cardinal would whine about something. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
The next season another fight almost started after the increasingly less competent Reds closer Francisco Cordero hit Albert Pujols with a pitch and the Cardinals bench started yelling at him. Nevermind Pujols was the winning run at the time. Nevermind that Cordero was struggling to hit the broad side a barn. Nevermind that LaRussa starts frothing at the mouth and demanding that pitchers be ejected and suspended for throwing high and tight to Pujols, sometimes failing to express any coherent thoughts in the process. Granted Pujols is possibly the best player ever and the Cardinals can't afford for him to be hurt, but, obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
I hate Tony LaRussa’s endless pitching changes and other micromanaging, that make games drag out to four hours and add more commercial breaks than an NFL game. I hate that he “invented” the closer role, the most overrated commodity in baseball. I hate that now my team, the Cincinnati Reds, have more money invested in a closer than any other player. I hate watching Francisco Cordero walk three people and screw up his insanely short 1 inning a night, 2-3 nights a week job. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
Once upon a time, I had idea for a less interesting piece where I tried to make logical points about the Cardinals being overrated as a franchise and debunk Wilbon’s myth of the “professional franchise.” Instead I quickly devolved into the pettiness of a fan jealous of a team that I am looking up at in the standings. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
I’m in the wrong on most of this - I like Jim Edmonds, Jason LaRue, and especially Albert Pujols in a vacuum. (But not Chris Carpenter.) The only evidence I really have to support my Cardinal bashing is that this year when the Brewers, a similar NL Central upstart, like the Reds last year had an advantage over the Cardinals, similar bad blood started to manifest between these teams as well. Once could be chance. Twice is a pattern.
The Rangers must destroy the Cardinals. Why? Because my hate is pure, that’s why.
In 2004, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series for the first time since 1918, breaking whatever that “Curse of the Bambino” thing that Joe Buck was so anxious to talk aboud during each broadcast. They were the first baseball team to come back from a 3-0 deficit in a 7 game postseason series. They were a bunch of goofs with beards that seemed oblivious to a world outside of baseball. And even though they traded my favorite currently active shortshop at the time, Nomar Garciaparra, I bandwagon cheered them through every victory as they rolled off 8 straight wins over the Yankees and then the hapless St. Louis Cardinals. This sort of thing happens when you play softball with a bunch of older guys from New England. In hindsight, probably at least two of the players on that team were nice and ‘roided up, but honestly, who cares? Everyone else was. By the way, those hapless Cardinals played an almost equally entertaining LCS as the Red Sox to make the series, which most people hardly remember.
In 2005, the Chicago White Sox continued the tradition of ending championship droughts for teams named “Sox” by winning in their first World Series since 1917. It was just their second appearance in the World Series Since they were coerced into throwing the 1919 World Series by a bunch of gangsters who wanted the series fixed to make huge gambling profits. If you’ve never seen the John Sayles movie, Eight Men Out, featuring ancient Chicago writer/radio personality Studs Terkel, it’s worth your time, even if you aren’t a sports fan. (The movie featured more famous actors more prominently, but who doesn’t love the name Studs Terkel.) They beat the Houston Astros, long time tormentors of my Cincinnati Reds, who coincidentally won the 1919 Series against the White Sox. The Astros managed to get past the Cardinals in the LCS despite Albert Pujols hitting a home run so far that he broke Houston closer Brad Lidge as a human being.
In 2006, the Detroit Tigers, while not quite as long suffering as either Sox franchise, was certainly a symbol for an economically beleaguered city. Despite an epic population collapse the city still competed in all four major sports, claiming recent championships in both the NBA and NHL. Ignoring the at the time moribund NFL franchise (about to go 0-16 in the near future), a World Series title could have made Detroit a contender for Titletown: Aughts edition, wiping at least a little of that annoying smirk off the faces of Bostonians. (By the way, we all jumped right off that Boston bandwagon as soon as we could.) In hindsight, of course nobody cared about anything other than the NFL. Based on the coverage of the Lions resurgence of 2011, you’d have thought no other sports franchise had won a game until September of this year. Pistons, Red Wings, Tigers, and Michigan State basketball successes be damned for a single Lions playoff run. (Shoutout to Mateen Cleeves.) Alas, the Tigers winning was the narrative I wanted to see fulfilled. Instead, the St. Louis Cardinals, who had managed to win 83 games that regular season, won the series. Those 83 wins would have been good enough to put St. Louis 12 games behind Detroit’s 95 wins that year and are the fewest ever for a championship team. The St. Louis Cardinals of 2006 are possibly the least deserving sports champion of all time. Nobody calls them on it because, “St. Louis is a great baseball city” and “They are a team of professionals,” which is nearly aphoristic for sportswriter Michael Wilbon.
If this year’s 90 win team take the takes the title (Go Texas!), at least they’ll have the ‘87 Twins to look down on (who coincidentally only won 87 games) but not much else.
There’s a prevailing idea out there that sports are pure because they somehow preserve a fairness never seen in real life these days. This is why people flipped out after the aforementioned 1919 series and more recently over the aforementioned PED saga. Fans unjustifiably felt violated and appealed to a purity of the game that never really existed. For whatever reason, American sports developed regionally, with teams playing unbalanced schedules that favored travel convenience over fairness. In Europe most schedules for sports leagues are made the following way: you play every other team in the league an equal number of home and away games. Whoever has the best record at the end wins the league. It’s amazingly fair and simple. (It’s also amazingly capitalistic. A definitive stratification of haves and have nots have sprung up, so that only 3-5 teams in a 20 team league have a chance to win in a given year. Most teams compete in multiple competitions though, so there are other ways to achieve glory other than winning the league. At least American sports leages have some unpredictability, but I digress.) Something has gnawed away at me ever since I watched an exceedingly mediocre St. Louis team reach the pinnacle of baseball and hoist the trophy. I had long since understood that the best team doesn’t not always win the title. In fact, that’s why many of us love sports, we get to root for the underdog and sometimes they do actually pull through. St. Louis wasn’t an underdog though. They were just bad compared to the other 7 teams that post season.
Stemming from that I now hate the Cardinals. They are ruining baseball.
The last day of this year’s season was amazing, with the Cardinals and Rays scraping into the playoffs after catching teams from 9+ games back in about a month’s time. MLB now wants to expand the post season with another team. For more excitement they say. Nevermind that this essentially would have made the amazing runs made by teams this year irrelevant. Nevermind that this increasingly rewards mediocrity and opens the door to other 83 win champions. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
Reds 2B Brandon Philips called the Cardinals a bunch of whiny bitches about a year ago. This was a serious breach in protocol, which led to a brawl where Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto kicked former Red Jason LaRue in the head, essentially ending his career. Nevermind that Yadier Molina actually started the fight. Nevermind that Johnny Cueto was pinned up against a wall and might actually have had probable cause to feel endangered. Nevermind that the Cardinals do complain about everything. (I once saw Chris Carpenter publicly berate his shortstop, Brendan Ryan, for 10 minutes for holding up the start of an inning to get the correct glove after grabbing the wrong one. The announcers actually applauded that crap.) Granted none of this happens if Philips never says anything to begin with, but, obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this. Would it have been better if he had used the #honestyhour twitter hashtag when making the comments?
At the time the Reds had signed former Cardinal Jim Edmonds for a playoff push wherein they satisfyingly put away the Cardinals. Jim Edmonds later got injured tearing an achilles on a home run swing. He later and threw the Reds team and medical staff under the bus, basically stating he regretted coming to the Reds. Jeez Jim, I’m so sorry you had a chance to play in meaningful games. Figures an ex-Cardinal would whine about something. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
The next season another fight almost started after the increasingly less competent Reds closer Francisco Cordero hit Albert Pujols with a pitch and the Cardinals bench started yelling at him. Nevermind Pujols was the winning run at the time. Nevermind that Cordero was struggling to hit the broad side a barn. Nevermind that LaRussa starts frothing at the mouth and demanding that pitchers be ejected and suspended for throwing high and tight to Pujols, sometimes failing to express any coherent thoughts in the process. Granted Pujols is possibly the best player ever and the Cardinals can't afford for him to be hurt, but, obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
I hate Tony LaRussa’s endless pitching changes and other micromanaging, that make games drag out to four hours and add more commercial breaks than an NFL game. I hate that he “invented” the closer role, the most overrated commodity in baseball. I hate that now my team, the Cincinnati Reds, have more money invested in a closer than any other player. I hate watching Francisco Cordero walk three people and screw up his insanely short 1 inning a night, 2-3 nights a week job. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
Once upon a time, I had idea for a less interesting piece where I tried to make logical points about the Cardinals being overrated as a franchise and debunk Wilbon’s myth of the “professional franchise.” Instead I quickly devolved into the pettiness of a fan jealous of a team that I am looking up at in the standings. Obviously, I irrationally blame the Cardinals for this.
I’m in the wrong on most of this - I like Jim Edmonds, Jason LaRue, and especially Albert Pujols in a vacuum. (But not Chris Carpenter.) The only evidence I really have to support my Cardinal bashing is that this year when the Brewers, a similar NL Central upstart, like the Reds last year had an advantage over the Cardinals, similar bad blood started to manifest between these teams as well. Once could be chance. Twice is a pattern.
The Rangers must destroy the Cardinals. Why? Because my hate is pure, that’s why.
